On Friday, amidst the noise and childish chaos of our home, I was witness to one of the most beautiful sounds a mama can ever hear. It was the sound of a sweetly beating heart nestled inside my womb. I have heard this sound seven times, now, and each time, I am more grateful. How could my Lord think that I am worthy or able to care for another unique and precious little person, an eternal soul? As long as I live, I will never understand, but I am desperately grateful.
As you know, our last little one was never to be a baby we would hold. While our time spent together was special and without regret, until Friday at about 2pm, I kept my heart guarded so that if this baby would join his brother or sister in Heaven, it would be easier for me to accept. But, now that I have heard that beautiful, strong, steady beat, my heart is rendered completely vulnerable. I am wholly and completely in love.
I love you, little baby. Lord willing, I will hold you in my arms in October. Until then, I hold your little heart inside me and although you don’t understand, you hold my heart, too.